1. |
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|
Nights have become sleepless
days have become endless
there's no escape
an endless cycle, it eats away
all that I once was
if only I could...
I'd leave this place for good
I wish I could blow
my brains against a wall
with a 12 gauge
none of that matters
because it's unrealistic
and I'm stuck with only using keys
to cut myself
I just hope this time it works
please let it work...
please let it work...
please let it work..
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2. |
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3. |
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|
I'm leaving for good
there's nothing you can do
to even stop me
even if the police
returns me home before
I could make it to the bridge
I'll only do it again
because they don't care enough
no one does
on this miserable fucking christmas
I'll look away and not look back
my final parting letter
I've left on a table
even if I got friends and family
I still feel alone
past trauma always comes back
to fuck everything up
and my emotional irregulation
makes everyone treat me
as if I'm less of a person
I'm so tired of living
please let this work
maybe in another universe
I'll make things work
I'll finally be enough
and I won't be an utter failure
and I know this'll hurt
a lot of people
I just can't take this anymore
please let me go
and let me accept my fate
I'm sorry...
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4. |
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5. |
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|
I've cut my wrists
to see if I can feel
I guess once again I've fallen numb
all that's left is an empty promise
from life...
a promise left forgotten
it feels so endless
this suffering, this pain
I'll hide it away
until it comes back into rage
or constant waves of self destruction
this isn't what I was promised...
this isn't what I was promised...
the sky still bleeds
the stars are falling down
falling...
like every promise...
falling...
like that feeling
when hope sinks in my heart...
in my heart...
|
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6. |
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|
Each time I look up at the stars
I feel that I'm reminded of you
like an astral canvas
stretching it's open arms around me
and with every gaze
I remember what we once was
I also remember everything you did
to spite me... to hurt me...
tell me it's what I deserve
but it hurts more
than anyone could ever know
and I lay under the trees
where I remain secluded,
secluded with our memories
under the stars
reawaken beneath the ice
under the lake
that same lake we kissed beside
I was once so blinded
so I walked out to the lake alone
that's where I saw you
with your replacement for me
and it was then
when the stars had fallen from the sky
splitting apart my every dream
in a desperate attempt
to stop all the pain
I fled into the lake
and remained there for days
then the winter came
and froze me over...
and now I'm frozen beneath the sky
the starless sky...
each time I look up at the stars
I remember you
and remember what we once was
I also remember
that day you replaced me
for my best friend (my best friend)
nothing will ever be the same
and I know nothing can hurt
more than you've made me hurt
I've become invisible to you
every memory of me you had, died
but my memories still lived
I drowned myself
to escape this reality
one I couldn't bear
not now
not like this
not ever like this...
|
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7. |
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|
I look beyond these woods
within the valley of trees and snow
where we once walked for hours
now that all is lost
I let go of the last letter you've left
a piece of me died
that day you left...
every time I hear your voice
another part of me dies
then days turned to months
and now it's been a year
a dying light
in my fading heart
now each bit of hope decays
in the memory of our loss
maybe in another universe
we would have made it
my frozen breath
comforts me as I leave my soul
to die out in hypothermia
as I have rotted, in your heart
in another life
maybe we'll be once more
I'll wait for you my dearest
in another time, in another life
waiting for you
where ashes fall from the sky
and the stars reach over us
or where the falling snow
will fall but never fade away
|
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8. |
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|
I always knew...
it would end like this...
vision is blurry now...
my life decays...
I feel like a stranger in my own body
I woke up and forgot
that I'm trapped within
a prison of flesh
a body that isn't mine
one look in the mirror
now I'm breaking down
blade down my arms
tears streaming down my face
painful dysphoria...
endless dysphoria...
|
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9. |
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10. |
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11. |
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12. |
Disappear - Help
05:51
|
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13. |
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14. |
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15. |
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|
I look out
to a garden of lights
one we once loved so much
one that no longer lives
in your heart...
this cold winter
enshrouds my heart
with your bitterness
I wrote my last letter to you
I hope you get the chance to read it
although I know deep down
you never will
it doesn't matter
as did I ever, in your heart
It's all done now
I said my last goodbyes
packed all the cares I could give
the garden of lights
looks so pretty
as I'm hanging from the tree
we once loved
hanging... from the lights
Goodbye...
|
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16. |
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|
I no longer remember
when days were so joyful
I only can remember days of solitude
but I've got photographs of us
which tells me
it's something I once felt
if that feeling is as beautiful
as it also appears
why can't I feel it?
I throw away the memories
in the fire by the tree
and this year all I want
is for that feeling to reappear
in my dreams
did you feel it to?
that final ounce of joy
only to be snuffed out
and to forever remain
as only a distant memory
a painful one for me...
as I sit by the fire
I reminisce those day
as if it's something
that can be relived
|
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17. |
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|
I watched as you decayed
from every memory
behind this frozen window
drowning in desperation
my descent...
has me...
drowning in desperation...
"I watched you fade
soon afer...
my memories of you had died"
vanished from my heart
vanished from my memory
but these photographs
holds more than any memory can
happy moments
turned sad and painful
you faded from every
aspect of my life
these sad and tainted memories
led me to this final action
all I could ever want for christmas
is to have forgotten you
as you have forgotten me
forgotten from your heart
faded from your memory...
strip away the walls
drowning in despair
the snow turned red
my knuckles bleeding
take it all away from me
I'll see you soon...
my love...
I'm so sorry...
I'm not strong enough...
"I'll see you soon my love..."
|
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18. |
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|
I've not seen any light in days
my window has frozen over
I've not eaten in days
not even left the bed
my memory bleeds
finally I force myself out the bed
my body is weak, slowly giving up
fainting, trying to reach
for some scraps of food
maybe that'll be enough
to avoid the next seizure
they said life would get easier
they said all the pain would end
I've never felt so empty before
I look out at the snow
I see myself as a kid
running, making snowmen
having snowball fights
enjoying myself, having fun...
now I starve myself
with not even enough energy
to kill myself
there's nothing left
no hope, no reason to live
not a soul could hear
my wailing cries of utter loneliness
so empty, so empty inside
|
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19. |
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|
I saw your spirit haunting my dreams
not long after you've left
how is it you left me here?
to spend my days rotting alone
ever since you've left
I've been a mess
just wilting in a cold and empty bed
I still remember when we used to
kiss under the mistletoe
even if I forget your name
and forget your face
the memories I'm stuck with
they won't go
not now, not ever
I'm stuck, waiting for them to fade
I guess your love for me did too...
I wish I could move on
I wish it didn't have to hurt so much
how could you even love me?
it's as if nothing ever existed
the floor crumbles away
and these walls decay
all that's left is me and this blade
while I drift from consciousness
as you leave my veins
everything ends now
as everything once came
I saw the light in you
and once you left
it all died
my final breath cut short
my veins opened now
life means nothing to me
so let me leave
so I don't have to live with this life anymore
no more pain or torment
I'll die drifting away
with all the memories
that you have left for me...
|
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20. |
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|
Memories of another life
torment by a past I tried so hard to forget
for you I'd bleed
but as much as I try
I don't feel I'll ever enough
for you, or your love
I'm sorry...
I gave life one last try
I've put in so much effort
past what I could even achieve
and once again I've fallen
I kept overthinking
and I couldn't keep it all together
remember me when you look up to the stars
and please remember me
as more than the fuck up I was
my skin you once kissed
is now cold and pale
my wrists are empty
for you I would have took all your pain
I wish I didn't burden you
and I hope you find all the happiness
I promise if I survive tonight
I'll hide it away
this pain I'll bottle up
and it hurts me to leave you like this
and to leave you
knowing we could have been more
I'll wait here for you...
I'll watch over you
through your triumphs and relapses
through your wins and losses
and I'll pick you back up
on your feet...
I'm so sorry...
I'm sorry I'm not there in person
to help you through life...
I love you
so so much
more than my words can express
and it pains me to know
that I'll leave you like this
I hope you never find my body
goodbye my love...
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21. |
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22. |
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23. |
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24. |
Pauliee - My Existence
02:22
|
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25. |
Mrakomor - Melting Snow
03:58
|
|||
26. |
KAALT - Distance
05:42
|
|||
Cold July UK
one woman romantic dsbm
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